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David the military officer

When I got married at the age of 35, I said to myself “How long will I be able to keep this up?”! I felt very selfish fooling my new wife but I had to be “conventional” as I was an officer in the military. I thought that if I got married I would make everybody happy, including myself. And I did to a certain extent. So I was pleased with the marriage.

However, nothing could prevent me from my true feelings and, inevitably, over a long period of time, things changed.

It wasn’t a lack of love for my wife that ended our relationship. It was the fact that I found sex increasingly difficult to enjoy. Had she been happy without sex then I guess we would have soldiered (no pun intended) on. I had, after all, renounced any sex with men so far in my life. I could carry on with that – no problem! Trouble was, she was not content without sex and had an affair with another guy. She decided to leave me and it was only then I plucked up enough courage to tell her I am gay.

My two children were happy enough with the “gay” thing but not happy with the divorce.

Me, I went berserk on Gaydar and had a field day!

I can’t blame anyone but myself for the mess I made of my marriage. Helen was remarkably understanding, supportive and kind. She was very pleased that my lack of sexual interest was nothing to do with her. I felt really bad about my deceit and still do. She has got remarried and my boyfriend of 3 yrs and I danced at her wedding! We are still the best of friends and at least the kids have still got the two of us (well 4 actually).

I just wanted everyone to be happy. The military were, my own family were, Helen was and I was. In those days gays were not acceptable in the services and were hounded out. I loved my career and couldn’t have been parted from it.

“There rests the case for the defence my Lord.” Guilty or not, it happened. I can do nothing about it and can’t change a thing. My life has changed dramatically and rather quickly. For the better I think, although sometimes my guilt overwhelms me. I love my life with my partner but I miss my life with my family.

So, dear readers, if you do nothing else, go and see the Gay Dads Scotland guys. They have all been through or are going through this sort of trauma. A trouble shared …..

 A Traveller's tale
Tom's story
I knew that already Dad
Turning my world upside down
Scared of judgement

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